How To Tie A Tie - eMyTextBooks

How To Tie A Tie

Introduction

Congratulations on making it this far without ever learning the tedious, masochistic ritual that is tying a tie. But now that you're out of college, trade school, or worse, Cal State Fullerton, you're going to need to master this staple of modern business attire. And judging by the beads of sweat and frantic uncontrollable shaking, something tells me you're going to need this advice pronto, or at least before, say, 6 a.m. tomorrow. Well, having just gone through this experience myself, and wishing it upon no one else, I'm here to pass on this hard-won information to you... for FREE. So lets begin!

Background

Picking Out A Tie

Unlike other parts of this How-To, this section is completely subjective and reveals my personal style. That being said, I think these tips will nevertheless help you select a tie that won't make you look like a complete fool.

1. Be bold. Select a color (I like reds and yellows) that:
   1. Will look nice against the shirts you own; and
   2. Won't completely clash with your skin, hair color. Not being a member of the fairer sex, that's about all I can say.
2. Printed vs Woven ties. Try to look for ties that have the pattern stitched into the fabric as opposed to just printed on. A $50 Jos. A. Banks tie with a woven pattern will look just as nice as a $100 Brooks Brothers printed tie, if not better. That's $50 I just saved you, so beers are on you tonight.
3. Material. Avoid a tie made with cheap material. Basically, if it "ain't silk it ain't worth buying." This mnemonic might help: Be the STAMOS. Silk Ties Are Mad-hip On Shirts.

The Knots

Four basic knots exist for tying a tie: the Four-In-Hand, the Half-Windsor, the Windsor, and the Pratt knot. I'm ignoring bow ties for now because a) they require special equipment (a bow tie!) and b) unless you happen to be named Bond and have a mechanical shark attached to you right now, you have no business wearing one anyway.

Basically, my advice to you is this: use the Windsor or Half-Windsor for interviews or other formal occasions. Their heftiness and symmetry will convey an air of confidence and draw attention away from the pee stain on your Dockers.

Use a Four-In-Hand when you finally get the job and you no longer have the adrenaline or coordination necessary to tie the Windsor or Half-Windsor in the wee hours of the morning. Beware though: nothing screams, "Hung over!" more than a loosely tied Four-In-Hand against an unshaved neck. So watch it, Drinky McSmokesalot.

Four-In-Hand

Alright let me break it down for you like this: the Four-In-Hand is like the Ford Contour of knots. It's not pretty, it won't win you any awards, but it's popular and gets you where you need to go. It is also the easiest and fastest knot to tie so it's practically required

Half Windsor

Continuing with our car theme, the Half-Windsor is like the Buick of knots. It projects a sense of confidence without making you out to be a cigar smoking member of the Standard Oil board. It's luxury without pretense. It requires a little bit more time and practice but the results are worth it.

Windsor

This, my friends, is the Bugatti Royale of knots: two tons of perfection. Bullet proof, dressed in leather, and a Straight-8 that puts out more carbon monoxide than the continent of Africa. If you're looking to command respect and squash insolence then this knot is for you.

Pratt Knot

Okay, the Pratt Knot is kind of like a Volkswagon Beetle. Unless it's painted Red, White, and Blue, you're likely to be mistaken for a card carrying Commie! For this reason, I do not recommend it.

General Tips

• Check for symmetry. Adjust the knot so that you achieve optimal bilateral symmetry. Re-tie or upgrade to the Windsor if necessary. A slightly leaning knot can be wriggled with so it looks OK, but a seriously cockeyed knot will have the tie falling down your lapel and just look terrible.
• Keep it tight. I hate to impose pain on a fellow human being but these are just the facts: a properly tied tie will have you feeling like you're swinging from the gallow's pole. But after all this effort, you're going to want your tie to look right, so take a breath, cinch it up nice and tight, and just enjoy the mind-bending hallucinations brought on by depressed O₂ levels. This saying always helped me: "If your face is blue, your tie is square and true."
• The Vicious V. According to the film, Outside Providence, a properly tied tie must possess the Vicious V. This is the sharp V formed by the scruching of the tie where it exits the knot.

Conclusion

There are many, many ways to tie a tie!

Reference

• For some pictures: Tie-a-Tie.net (http://www.tie-a-tie.net/)
• For the mathematical basis of tie knots: Theory of Tie Knots (http://www.tcm.phy.cam.ac.uk/~ym101/tie/short/tie_nature4.html)
• For 85 ways to tie a tie Tie knots and random walks (http://www.tcm.phy.cam.ac.uk/~ym101/tie/short/tie_nature4.html)
• For the purpose of men's neckties. The Straight Dope (http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_155)
• On how to buy, wear and tie a necktie Tie Guide (http://www.tieguide.com/)
• Article covers how to tie a tie: How To: Tie a Tie (http://www.h2g.org/how-to-tie-a-tie.html)
• On how to how to tie the different knots, and care instructions: NecktieGuide.com (http://www.necktieguide.com/)
• The history of the necktie: Necktie Down the Ages (http://www.twilightbridge.com/hobbies/festivals/father/necktie.htm)